Study What’s Real

Oftentimes we find ourselves in many different kinds of relationships. Some work for us and others don’t. Because of the complexities of relationships, sometimes it’s difficult to tell what’s real from what’s real nice but not a good long-term match. Over the course of the last week, I’ve heard a sermon and read a devotional…

What About Your Friends? Going in Through the Roof

Last week my neighbor called to let me know the house around the corner caught fire overnight. He said it was so bad, the firefighters had to go in through the roof. You may be familiar with the story about the man who was sick and needed Jesus to heal him. When they discovered there…

Social Distancing

I’d be lying if I said my anxiety wasn’t all the way turnt up! Between navigating this new normal along with work stress (I work in public education) and the stress associated with having a chronically ill loved one, I’ve had moments when I haven’t been my best. But one thing I am learning is…

Anxious For Nothing

I published this post privately on December 1, 2018. It was a vulnerability I wasn’t ready to share but in light of recent events and new revelations I’m ready to share. I hope this helps someone. Here is the post with some edits for clarity and edits based on what I now know to be…

Valentine’s Day Victory Part II

Valentine’s Day can be a dreaded day or a joyous day – you get to decide. I’ve written about Valentine’s Day twice in the last several years. You can find the posts here and here. There were Valentine’s Days when I had the best time and others when I had the worst time. Here are…

Let There Be Light

I used to live in the dark. I bought dark furniture, I felt safest in dark rooms….and I lived in a room without a window that let the outside world in. I felt safer that way, protected even, and as long as I was in there, there was no way anyone could get me. Once…

Get Over It Gracefully

Are you going through a breakup? Do you feel like the end of the hurt and pain is nowhere in sight? In this blog I’ll give you some tips on how I got over one of the toughest breakups and came out better, stronger, and more confident than I’ve ever been. Over the years I’d…

The Difference Between Sex and True Intimacy

I used to think sex was the only way to intimacy. When I was having sex, the most enjoyable part was the physical contact I had with the other person. My skin on his, our bodies pressed together, and the vulnerability of it all. Now that I’ve been celibate for some time and have learned…

Accept The Blessing

I have a really hard time accepting help. For so long I’ve had to go at it alone and because of this, I’m used to doing things by myself. After years of operating this way and slowly transitioning into roles that require greater support, I found myself burnt out realizing I should have asked for…

Deliverance

What if deliverance was calling your name? On Saturday I was at a restaurant waiting for a yummy pizza. About 20 minutes earlier I was told the pizza wasn’t ready so to kill time I walked around a bit, returned to the restaurant and found a seat near the window. While sitting there I saw…

Ring

Years ago after I’d gotten out of a relationship I decided to give my ex a different ring tone. It was different than all of the other calls coming though because I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss the call. I subconsciously waited for the phone to ring. It never did and I never…

Going Before You – Working In Your Favor

A couple of months ago my coworker and I were meeting at a school for a writer’s workshop training. I walked to the 3rd floor. My coworker was in a wheelchair so this required a different level of planning. The space was small. There were a bunch of tables, chairs, and even more people. It…

Holiday Single

Yesterday I had conversations with two different people about what it’s like to be single during the holidays. Both discussions were centered around companionship or a lack-thereof. After spending many holidays single and even alone, I’ve managed to come up with some ways that have helped me get through and even enjoy the holidays. Here’s…

The Pretty Blues

I used to be so insecure. I literally wanted to look like someone else. I’d look at other women and think, wow she’s pretty. If I only had hair like hers or a body like hers, confidence like hers, clothes like hers… then, I would feel good about myself. It was a constant breaking down…

The Butterfly Effect

For the last several months I’ve felt like butterflies have been following me. Especially over the summer. I’d walk outside and a butterfly would cross in front of me. Sometimes little white butterflies and sometimes big butterflies – they were so big I thought I was seeing things! Then, there were several times when I’d…

Nothing Is Wasted

For a long time I was bothered when close friends got married. It was a reminder that they’d progressed from the dating to married phase in life and that I was still single. I didn’t want to feel envious or even jealous as friends celebrated the happiest moments of their lives but I did. I’d…

The View from the Top

On a perfectly relaxing evening right before I was about to go out, it started raining. This wasn’t a sprinkle, it was a D O W N P O U R. Having weathered several storms, I was pretty confident this one was no different. I had some water proofing work done in my basement and…

Dating While Celibate

Dating while celibate is hard. When you meet someone special, there’s a point in time where you may want to take things to the next level. You might feel like after doing so (by doing so I mean having sex) you’ll know if that is or could be your person. The problem with this scenario…

Purpose + Partner

In books I’ve read in the past and especially in the one I’m reading now, I’ve realized your mate is your purpose partner. Whenever I meet someone I think about how the joining of our lives could impact the world. What could our joint purpose be? What can we do together? What world issues could…

Run Your Race

I ran my first 5K one month ago. I finished the race and realized it was something I enjoyed and wanted to do again. I was surprised how well I ran. I hadn’t prepared at all. I literally woke up and ran the race. It made me proud but it also made me think, how…

Somebody’s Sleeping In My Bed

I’m the only one who sleeps in my bed. While I’ve been in this house, (it’ll be 6 years in August) no one but me has slept in my bed. Now, I’ve slept in a bed with a man at some point since I’ve lived here but I’ve made a conscious effort/decision not to allow…

He Turned It – Father’s Day

I don’t call my father “dad.”  When talking to other people I refer to him as my dad but as far as saying “hi dad” that wasn’t something I was used to saying. While growing up, he was around but not around. There was a period of time when I didn’t see him. Then, all…

My Vision

Last year I went to the optometrist. Whenever I go for my annual appointment they always ask if I want the glaucoma test and I always say yes. Years ago while talking to my Aunt Barbara she said to always get the test because she has glaucoma and her doctor told her to tell her…

Specific Specifications

Buying a car is a lot like dating. You might have to look at/search lots of cars to figure out what you want. There are so many things to consider. The exterior and interior – do you like it? How does the car drive? Is the drive smooth or bumpy? Do you want a new…

Forgive Me

Last week I was having a conversation with a woman at my job. She said she’d done some things she wasn’t proud of and she believed everything happening in her life right now was payback for those missteps. She thought she was doomed to have a bad life because of the choices she made and…

Hard Healing

There’s some healing that needs to take place and it’s going to be hard. I was reflecting on some personal work I’ve had to do and as I summed things up, I couldn’t talk about how hard it was without acknowledging the level of healing I’ve received. We all have some level of personal healing…

God’s Trying To Tell You Something

I bought my car in 2006. In 2007, I got into an accident. It was totally my fault. I’ve never shared this but I was distraught over a messy brake-up (getting out of bed was an accomplishment back then) and I ended up misjudging the amount of room I had when tying to merge. Up…

Shifting My Focus

When thinking about different career opportunities I always go back to this – I want to get married. Now, you can have/do both but I know me. I’ll get so focused on a particular goal that I’ll spend all of my time doing that one thing, which leaves little to no time for dating. I…

For Men, Mostly

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of good feedback from men who read my blog. When I first started writing this blog my target audience was women but as it has evolved, I’ve included posts geared towards any and everyone interested in celibacy. If you are a man and you’re interested in being celibate or…

“They Decided They’d Wait For Me.”

Constance Wu said the statement above while being interviewed at the Academy Awards. Wu was already acting in a TV series when she was offered the lead role in Crazy Rich Asians. There were some scheduling conflicts and it seemed like she was going to have to pass on the opportunity but – they waited…

The Victory Lap

Determining whether to write this or not has been bothering me for sometime now. I don’t consider myself someone who keeps up with music and/or artists. While I do know some things, I wouldn’t voluntarily include myself in a debate about the best rappers/artists unless we were talking about Brandy and/or Monica. So I write…

Thank God For The Rain

While talking to my aunt recently she said, “you won’t know until it rains.” We weren’t having a relationship-related conversation but that statement hit me in a supernatural way. Think about the last time you realized someone was a good friend. Now, think about other significant relationships. When did you know it was real? Whether…

The Talk

I went on a date with a gentleman the other day. Prior to meeting up, I had been thinking about how I would let him know I’m celibate before things went too far. Well…the opportunity came faster than I thought it would. The conversation went something like this… He asked a series of questions about…

A Fighting Stance

Last weekend I went to the movies. That same week I was meditating on whether or not I should open myself up in a way I hadn’t in the past. While watching the movie I heard this quote – “You can’t love with both of your hands up, covering your face.” When I wrote my…

I Already Have A Crown

I was having a conversation with someone recently and they said I was a queen and needed a crown. In true Tiffani fashion I said (because I do), “I already have a crown.” You have to know who you are. I learned this more than anything last year when my identity was challenged in all…

The One

There was a point in time when my confidence was really low. I may have looked pulled together on the outside but I was constantly scoring myself against the other women in the room – how they looked, what they said, how they carried themselves…and I never measured up. So, I prayed for confidence. Initially,…

Cherished

A couple of years ago around this time I met a guy – a really nice guy. He was kind and caring, considerate and attentive – just an all around good person. One day in particular, after we got off the phone, I rested in my thoughts for a minute thinking, ‘what is this feeling?’….

Reveal

About a month ago while listening to Erica Campbell on her show, Get Up Erica, she encouraged listeners to pray this prayer – Reveal, Remove, Repair, Replace. She prayed this prayer everyday and asked God to help improve her team. She had launched a career as a solo artist and wanted God’s help. You can…

Lessons Learned in 2018

To close out 2018, I’m listing some of the things I learned this year. Here’s the short list! 1. Don’t Worry The Word has a lot to say about this and for me, the last couple of months have involved a lot of uncertainty. From illness in my family, to house woes and such.. lots…

Lord Knows

On one morning in particular, I was feeling defeated. Then, I went to my car only to discover it was covered in ice. And my ice scraper….was nowhere to be found. I was already late for work and since it seemed nothing was going my way, I decided not to rush and instead, to let…

This is Only a Test

Today, I cried. And not just a tear or two. I had a full on crying fest. A lot has been going on lately and honestly, at times, I’ve had a difficult time managing it all. It seems as soon as I get clarity or peace about one thing, another thing threatens/steals my peace. This…

Don’t Rush

While taking an Uber home from the airport over the summer, I was getting a little impatient. I had just gotten off of a 10 hour flight and was ready to eat and get in bed. While riding in my Uber, I noticed the driver stayed in a lane where traffic wasn’t moving. I asked…

Post Up

So….yesterday a 2nd grade student was in my office taking a break. She decided to stay in my office during recess so I wasn’t super concerned about what she was doing. At first, she was trying to make a paper airplane like the one in the book she was reading and then she was drawing…

The Driveway

On Saturday, I went to my aunt’s house for her annual holiday party. When I pulled up, I noticed there was a newly paved driveway. In the driveway there were 4 parking spaces and the spaces were marked. Not just a slab of land but parking spaces like the ones you see at the mall….

Where There’s Smoke…

Thank God for the smoke. When I look back on my dating life there was a lot of smoke I ignored. I might as well have been fanning the flames. Even when things caught on fire, I still looked the other way. Oftentimes red flags come early. Flags don’t have to be serious things. Red…

You’re Not As Strong As You Look

While debriefing with my personal trainer he said, “you’re not as strong as you look.” His voice trembled a little when he said it. It seemed, he was trying not to hurt my feelings. He didn’t. Although I knew he was talking about my physical strength, deep down inside I knew I needed to work…

The Bull In My Backyard

Every now and then I’ll have very vivid dreams. One night in particular, I dreamt there was a bull in my backyard. I remember waking, walking to the bathroom and moving the curtain aside to look out of the window. The first thing I saw was a big black bull in my backyard. It didn’t…

Check On Your Strong (Single) Friend

Not long ago there was a Huffington Post article with the title Don’t Forget To Check On Your Strong Friend. After a series of events, this blog post was inspired by that article. A few weeks ago I was having a really bad week. There were some things that were out of my control and…

Prepare

I want to be mentally, physically, and spiritually prepared for what God has for me. I can’t do that in a week or two weeks, a few months or even a year. It takes years and years of preparation. Yesterday while at church my pastor told us the sermon was going to be about parenting….