In 2012 my life changed drastically. The guy I believed I was going to marry broke up with me and life as I knew it was over. Ok, it wasn’t really over but that’s how I felt.
During that relationship I took my first crack at waiting. I decided in 2009 that I wouldn’t have sex until I was married. Well….lawd have mercy I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be! Waiting with no prospects is easy, but attempting to wait, with a chocolate covered man, build like…ok too much…it’s just hard ya’ll.
And I failed.
Well, I didn’t fail but I didn’t do as well as I liked. Ok, I failed.
While we were able to wait most of the time, there were sometimes where we…well didn’t. I’m back on it and am proud to say that while I have been tempted, I have not indulged since 2012 and by indulge I mean I haven’t had intercourse since 2012. I also haven’t done that other thing.
Since deciding to wait, I have learned a few things along the way. Here are some things you should consider if you are deciding to be, on the fence about, or determined to wait for sex until you are married.
- Why do you want to wait? Saving yourself until marriage sounds nice but if you don’t have a strong reason why, it will be even more difficult for you. My reasons are God and the future of my family. I want to set a good example for the daughter(s) I will have one day and I want to be able to tell them that their daddy waited on/with their mommy and that they can find a good mate who will wait for them too. While they (my future seeds) will decide for themselves I, at the very least, want to set the example for them. Also, God has purposed me with this. I want to make Him proud and honor Him with my body because this is indeed, a sacrifice.
- What are you willing or unwilling to do? Are you willing to end dates early if things get too up close and personal? Are you willing to do “other things” instead of intercourse? Are you only willing to go out in groups? I’m not down with the group thing but many people are. You have to decide what works for you. If you can’t do the “other things” without doing the main thing, then you can’t do the “other things”. It’s just that simple. Trust.
- Are you ready to wait? I have been blessed to meet guys who are actually willing to wait. Now, I have been waiting much longer and have had success with it and because of this, I have pretty good self control. It really is a mind-change if you’ve ever had sex before. It is HARD. Don’t underestimate it but do prepare yourself. You can arm yourself with the Word..or get with a group of friends who are waiting. I had friends who were waiting and now they are not because they are married. Do I sound bitter? lol. It’s hard y’all. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t.
- Get ready to see whoever you’re dating for who they actually are. It’s incredible how eliminating sex can remove the veil that we sometimes allow ourselves to wear while dating someone. The sex is good so you stay (been there), or you are so invested emotionally and physically that getting out of a bad relationship seems impossible (been there too). It’s much more work to date someone and wait. You really get to know the ins and outs of them and that can be scary but it can also be a beautiful thing.
- Also, find some good folks to follow. I LOVE Tamera Mowry-Housley ! In fact, she’s my favorite. I used to look to Heather Lindsey but her methods are too restrictive for me. They may work for you so check her out too.
Lastly, it’s a marathon (or can be) not a sprint so take your time with it. Listen to God, and He will bring you your heart’s desire.