It’s My Blogaversary!

One year ago today I published my first blog post on this site!  I can’t believe it’s been a year! Thanks so much to everyone who has read, liked, and shared my posts/site.

Talking about this was really hard for me. I’m a pretty private person.  Prior to this blog, I could probably count on one hand the number of people who knew about my journey.

While some think it’s admirable, other’s don’t. There is definitely a stigma. I’ve had folks 50+ and folks under 50 try to talk me out of waiting. They said I would find someone I could share that part of me with and that I could have a totally fulfilling relationship that included that level of intimacy. What they didn’t seem to understand is that I tried that and was tired of trying it that way and getting the same results. I needed a change and this was my change. So I had to tune them out, redirect the conversation, and go on my way.

I don’t expect everyone to wait but it is an option. You might read this blog and decide to wait, or you might decide not to. You might wait for a time and eventually have sex or for some, you’ve already been waiting. Whatever you decide, it is your decision. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing what feels right for you. It took me a long time to shake off misconceptions about my wait and to keep the faith while waiting. I had to learn to wait unapologetically.

There will always be critics. There will always be someone who doesn’t understand your journey. Honestly, they are too close.  I have close friends who waited. Having them around makes it easier. If you have friends who aren’t supportive, they’re not your friends. Show them the door and do what God has told/is telling you to do.

Happy Waiting!

 

Who You Gonna Eat With?

Tonight while talking to my 3-year-old niece she asked, “who you gonna eat with?” I was a little taken aback so I asked her to repeat what she said.

Just as lively as ever she again said “WHO YOU GONNA EAT WITH!?!?”

You see, I was at home and attempting to get off of the phone to have dinner. She didn’t understand that I could be eating alone since she eats with at least 2 people every time she sits down for a meal.

I asked her if it was ok for me to eat alone and she said “No, you have to eat with someone.”

Can I be honest? I’ve been eating alone for a long time. I’m ready to eat with someone.

January and February were, in some ways, transformational for me. I realized I was filling my singleness void by adding extra responsibilities and opportunities. It was easier to digest a lack of dates if I was working towards a particular life goal – be it education, career, or other personal goals.

Ultimately, I wasn’t prioritizing it. I wasn’t prioritizing meeting someone. It seemed pointless. I can count the number of dates I have been on in the last several years and still have fingers left.  I was ok with keeping the same routine and seeing what happens but I realized the only way I can make something happen is to put myself out there.

So I started varying the places and events I go to. I started going to brunch on weekends alone – this was a tip given to me by an older woman. I started switching up my routine and in someways yeah, I met some guys. I didn’t meet THE guy but I met and was asked out by some. This didn’t amount to anything but I am giving it a shot.

I don’t want to eat alone and as my niece said, it’s “not ok to eat alone” (well… it is but you get my point). So she promised she would keep an eye out for someone I can eat with and while she’s on the look out, I’ll be putting my best foot forward. So the next time she asks WHO YOU GONNA EAT WITH? I can give her a name.

Happy Waiting!

 

When They Want You, They Want You!

A few days ago a friend called with the best news! She got the job of a lifetime with all the bells and whistles. I screamed when she told me. In part because it is a great opportunity but mostly because I sat on the sidelines and watched as she waited for her time to come month after month, year after year.

She waited but she wasn’t idle. She interviewed with different companies and continued to do her best where she was. She kept it moving and then her time came.

The company wanted her, and they acted like it. She let them know her expectations/requirements and they exceeded them.

This reminds me of the waiting we’re doing. Sometimes it’s hard to stay still and let God do the work. We want to jump in or jump ahead of Him and do things our way. But we tried our way…we’ve tried it for years and what did it get us? More heartache and pain.

While we were talking she said “when it’s right you’ll know and every thing will line up”.

Now, this sounded a bit fairytale-ish to me but when I look back, some of my greatest accomplishments required very little action on my part. God whispered, I listened (obeyed) and the rest was history!

So here’s what she did (from my perspective)…

  1. She cried
  2. She prayed
  3. She waited
  4. She cried some more
  5. She talked to friends and loved ones about it
  6. She waited
  7. She took a break
  8. She went on with her life
  9. She waited
  10. She pursued another position in her current organization
  11. She rocked the new role
  12.  and she waited
  13. The opportunity came, she was ready, and she got the job
  14. No more waiting!

Now, I know you’ve heard Ephesians 3:20 -Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.

And I know at times it sounds too good to be true but God did it! He did it for her, and he will do it for you and for me!

To say God did exceedingly, abundantly what she could ask or think is exactly right. He went above and beyond!

So what’s the lesson here? Wait.

And then wait some more.

Keep living your life, being the best you, and the absolute BEST is yet to come!

Happy waiting!

 

Valentine’s Day Victory

It’s the end of Valentine’s Day and it was better than I imagined!

At church on Sunday, the Pastor said a sex therapist would be talking about singles and sex on Tuesday (today). I was a little skeptical and planned on eating ice cream and reading into Valentine’s night but I decided to go. I’m so glad I did.

Here are some of takeaways…

Assistant Lead Pastor Larry Paige gave us these little bits of wisdom –

First, you must know your purpose. You have to know you well. Know what you will and won’t do and exactly what you’re looking for. I spoke about this in an earlier blog post. You can find it here.

He also said to be patient. You should spend more time preparing than dating. This was in response to a question about how long is too long to wait for a proposal. This spoke volumes to me since I haven’t been in a serious/committed relationship in 4+ years. I feel like I’m overdue but hey, I want to be ready when the time comes.

He also spoke about permission. While I don’t remember everything he said regarding this, the message was to investigate. Don’t fall for potential. Oftentimes potential is just that, potential. Trust me when I say I’ve dated potential and he never changes!

If you want to learn more about Larry Paige you can find his bio and information about the here. If you’re not in the area, there’s a live stream! Watch it from your living room. It was a great way to end Valentine’s Day.

Have a good night!

Alone But Not Lonely (Most Of The Time)

Last week I had a range of emotions. I was starting to feel like I couldn’t catch a break.

Then, I learned that I did well on my yearly evaluation at work! I was so excited and thankful. That morning I knew something important was going to happen and that God was preparing me.  All of the songs I listened to that morning were about victory. The order of the songs was perfect. I left the house feeling strong!

After learning I did well, I decided I wanted to celebrate. This is always a tough one for me since more often than not, I celebrate in private. But this time, I wanted someone to be there to help me celebrate and there was no one.

Now  yeah, I could have called someone and tried to meet up to have a celebratory drink but sometimes you want to do those things with a significant other. I haven’t celebrated something with a boo since…….. I don’t even know.

While I know you have to play the cards you’re dealt,  and be thankful for what you have, it doesn’t take away the fact that celebrating with, spending time with, and being held by a significant other…… is nice.

One of my students asked me if it was ok to be and live alone and I told him it is possible to be alone but not lonely. But honestly, this single life can be quite lonely. What’s the solution? Fill it with friends and experiences. Usually when I feel this way, I haven’t properly planned outings with my friends. I’m setting up a few things now.

But most of the time I’m good. It is possible to be alone but not lonely.

Being lonely is not a death sentence, it won’t last always. It’s an opportunity to reflect and draw near to God because He’s always there. Maybe that’s the point. To direct your attention back to the One who will never leave you. While it’s difficult, there’s one thing I know for sure.  This feeling  shall pass.

Have a blessed week!

The Road Less Traveled

Tonight I was reminded of part of the reason I decided to wait. While watching Love by the 10th Date, Kelly Rowland’s character said something I could relate to.

Whenever  I’m in a relationship that ends, it’s difficult for me to get back into the dating scene. I’ve never been the type of person to date someone and then immediately move on. There is always a period of time where I need space. It could be 3 months of space or a year of space but it takes me awhile to rebound especially if we had sex. Especially.

I no longer want to feel that kind of emotional tie. I spoke to an older woman recently and she said that if I find someone who is emotionally mature then sex doesn’t have to be out of the question. While I understand that, I can’t waste any time getting to know someone, only to take it to that level and find out later that it isn’t going to work out. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, burned it. Done.

I’m not into playing games with my emotions or my body. So I’ll wait. Waiting requires less stress, less heartache, and way more time to devote to myself. If the guy I meet doesn’t want to wait, he can kick rocks. The end.

Intuition FTW!

Tonight I’m listening to a sermon about doing what God has led you to do.  I’m actually listening to it now.  I was led to write about my waiting-singleness (years ago actually) and I’ve been slacking royally.   Priscilla Shirer is preaching and she is amazing! Once again, she has inspired me. So here it goes…

I’m still single. I probably sound bitter saying that but I’m ok. One thing I learned in 2016 is to listen to the God in me. My intuition always kicks in and somehow I manage to explain it away, or give it more time, or wait for something to change. All the while realizing my intuition is ALWAYS right.

You could be dating the most wonderful guy/girl in the world. He/She’s everything on your list and even some things you didn’t ask for. He/She’s also willing to wait but something isn’t right. Your intuition is knocking and no matter how long you wait or how much you try… something. isn’t. right.

Walk away.

Trust me. It’s better to be hurt now than hurt later. Someone greater is coming. Let this one go.

Happy Waiting!