What Waiting Has Taught Me

Waiting has taught me to look deeper and be more critical about my choices while dating. In years past, my attraction to men was mostly physical. Now that I’ve spent more time thinking about what I want long term, I’m taking my time and really getting to know the person I’m dating. 

Not long ago, I did an exercise with a counselor. I wrote down the names of guys I had dated/been in a relationship with and wrote down what I liked about them and what attracted me to them. What I didn’t spend enough time on were the things I didn’t like. 

So, this weekend I’m going to write 3 names, what attracted me to them, what I liked and disliked and see if I can find any patterns. Then, I’ll take this knowledge along with what I’ve learned about myself  – including what I’ve done to attract these kinds of men – and decide what I need to do to attract a different kind of man. 

Will you do this exercise with me? It shouldn’t take long. The first time I did it, it was helpful. Now that I’ve had a longer stretch of dating the same person it will be interesting to see how (and if) my dating pattern has changed. 

Feel free to share what you learned! I’m hoping to break some chains and do a new thing in my dating life. I hope you are too.

Happy Waiting!

A Time and a Season

Last week I bought 2 mangos. I LOVE mangos and I planned on eating them, at different times, for dessert. I guess fruit isn’t what most people would deem a dessert but it is for me.

I felt the first mango and I thought it was ripe enough to eat. Well…after cutting it and attempting to peel back the skin, it wasn’t. I was super disappointed but had 1 more mango left.

So a couple of days later, I felt up the second mango and attempted to eat it. It was so hard y’all. I couldn’t believe I had done the same thing TWICE! And wasted two perfectly good mangos smh!

Later on that week, I bought another mango. I took my time selecting it and made sure it was close to being ready to eat. I even waited another day or two. Then, when I was ready to eat it, I checked it again and decided to give it another day.

Finally, it was ready to eat and it was DELICIOUS! I am SO glad I waited.

I know me. Sometimes I rush to get to the end. I want that mango, that job, that boo and I’ll try to make a determination before it’s time. Do you do this as well? Or are you waiting patiently for the right time and the right season?

I believe God takes us through waiting periods. He has to work somethings out in us. While it is annoying to have to wait and watch and wait, sometimes it’s just not the right time.

I threw away two perfectly good mangos because I didn’t want to wait. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and ended up having to start all over.

I could have had 3 mangos by now smh.

So I implore you to wait. Wait for the right time, wait for the right season, wait until you have all of the facts or as many as you can get. Wait until you’re sure. Don’t rush it but also don’t move too slow. If you rush it, it may not be ready, you may not have all of the facts and you may have to throw it away. If you wait too long the opportunity might pass you by.

We’re in the middle of wedding season and I know the tendency for some is to push something further than it needs to go to get to the desired end. Don’t be that girl or guy. Wait. Take your time and make the very best decision.

There is a time and a season for EVERYTHING. Wait for your time and your season.

Happy Waiting!

If I Knew Better

Fall 2016, I watched a few Andy Stanley sermons that were streaming on Netflix. In one of the sermons he said, although you may know better, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll do better. You have to make an effort to change your ways.

When you’re waiting, you have to be intentional about setting boundaries. This can be uncomfortable if you haven’t set these kinds of boundaries before. When you set boundaries while you wait, you choose you and If you haven’t been choosing you, it will be difficult to begin to. 

Choosing you means not letting things go too far or not having someone over too late. It means waiting awhile. It means delayed gratification.

It means changing your mindset.

What does intimacy look like while you’re waiting? Are you prepared to remind her/him of your boundaries?

In some cases, couples don’t share hotel rooms. They may not kiss or touch very much or they may do all of the above and be fine. It comes down to knowing yourself and your partner.

Maybe you have self-control and can manage intimate moments or maybe you need the other person to have more self-control.

Whatever the case may be, you have to know you and know when to say good night or good-day. Waiting isn’t easy but it creates more opportunities to get to know someone outside of the physical.

So now that you know better, do better. 

Don’t let lust get in the way of finding out if you have something that will be long-lasting. Doing better will help you make better decisions. It will also keep you from going to far too fast and getting hurt. Trust me – setting boundaries has kept me from a world of hurt. 

It also helped me figure out who was really for me. You never know, setting boundaries and putting you first might lead you to the partner your heart desires.

There’s someone out there who knows your worth. You just have to know it first. 

Happy Waiting!

You Got This

Today I went indoor rock climbing. I felt good walking into the gym, had the opportunity to look at the walls and holds, and decided I was going to have the victory!

The first time I went climbing I was with my mentee. She was around 15 or 16 years old and I thought this would be a great way for us to bond. Less than 30 seconds into my climb, I slid down the wall. I hadn’t even taken 3 steps and already felt defeated. What weighed me down most of all were my thoughts. How could I climb well if I didn’t believe I could?

The next couple of times I had more confidence. Sometimes I climbed to the middle or close to the top and sometimes I didn’t. But every time I climbed my confidence grew.

Today, when I climbed at a new gym, I felt victorious from the start. I looked at the wall and said to myself “you got this.”

With each step, as I rose higher and higher and wanted to quit, I said, “you got this.”

Then I took a deep breath, and said it again.

During the 2016 Olympics Laurie Hernandez became a star. At the time she was 16 or 17 competing on the world’s stage. She stepped onto the mat to start her routine and as I and the rest of the gymnastics-loving world watched, we saw her say to herself, “I got this.” Click here if you haven’t seen it.

I replayed it over and over again wondering how someone so young had so much confidence, and how she knew what she needed at the time when it mattered the most.

Life presents us with seemingly impossible situations. Sometimes you face the fear and conquer it and other times you give it your best effort and it doesn’t go your way. Through it all, it’s important to encourage yourself.

When I was a teenager I was a on a basketball team. I never made a shot during the game (or at practice smh) until I could envision myself doing so. Your thoughts and what you say to yourself are so important! Hold every thought captive!

Whatever the situation may be, as you wait to learn the outcome know that you got this! 

Maybe there’s something else you say to yourself. Maybe you say, “I am more than a conqueror” or maybe you say, “no weapon formed against me shall prosper.” Whatever it is, keep saying it.

If for some reason you’re not ready to say it to yourself, add me to the voices in your head. Go ahead, turn my volume up. Up some more. Up a little bit more.

Do you hear me? I’m right there with you cheering you on. And when you can’t say it for yourself, I’m whispering, ‘you got this.’

Happy Waiting!