Check On Your Strong (Single) Friend

Not long ago there was a Huffington Post article with the title Don’t Forget To Check On Your Strong Friend. After a series of events, this blog post was inspired by that article.

A few weeks ago I was having a really bad week. There were some things that were out of my control and everything was coming at me at the same time.

Within 48 hours of each other, two friends reached out. Both were folks I hadn’t talked to in a while and said I was either on their mind or showed up in a dream. One thing is for sure, that week, I really needed a friend and a reminder that God sees my hurt and will send people to check in on me.

There was a particular day that week that was really hard. I don’t usually let myself cry but in-between both conversations I cried. I mean it was an ugly mess up your makeup kind-of cry.

I’m really good at putting things up on the shelf and leaving them there until I’m ready to deal. But one day, sometimes years later, I’ll break down and cry.

I had a conversation with a friend about what it’s like to be single and not have someone lay eyes on you everyday. There have been times when I’m really going through it and I call 3 friends and no one answers. With no fault on their parts, everyone is busy, what happens when I really need someone and can’t find anyone to share with? People assume that when you’re single, you’re just out living your life when in reality, you could be at home in a puddle of tears.

This is why the title of this post is check on your strong (single) friend. We need to know there’s someone out there thinking about us, praying for us, and checking in on us. Lay eyes on us and make sure we’re ok. Even those of us who are “strong” get weak and could really use a friend.

Happy Waiting.

A Double Portion

Not long ago, I went to a soup kitchen to volunteer. I volunteered with this organization a few times in the past and was eager to spend more time volunteering in 2018.

The last few times I volunteered, we served food during three shifts and it was critically important to ensure each guest received the same portion.

During the first two shifts the portions were the same for everyone. However, once it was time for the last shift, we were told to give our guests double of everything.

I’ll admit, although we were told to do this I didn’t think there would be enough food to go around. I was also concerned that the other group would find out double portions were given out when they only received one serving of each food.

But, the chef knew exactly what she had stored up, and she knew we wouldn’t run out. We had more than enough.

So we gave out double portions.

Imagine waking up hungry and finding out you’re last in line.  As your stomach growls, you have to wait and watch as busses full of people go before you.

Now, you don’t know how much others are getting, all you know is that they’re getting something you’re not.

That’s kinda how it is to wait. You have a desire for something (or someone) in your heart. Yet, day after day, year after year you watch as others go before you. Now, you may not know the ends and outs of what they got but the fact is, they got something.

Well…I am here to tell you God has a double portion stored up for you! That’s not to say those who went before you didn’t get enough or received less. They may have received exactly what they needed. Sometimes getting what you need is a double portion.

So, don’t lose heart. It may seem like you’re waiting a long time – trust me I know the feeling. But rest easy knowing that God hasn’t forgotten about you and that just like our guests on that day, He may be making you wait because He set aside a double portion just for you!

Happy Waiting!

A Time and a Season

Last week I bought 2 mangos. I LOVE mangos and I planned on eating them, at different times, for dessert. I guess fruit isn’t what most people would deem a dessert but it is for me.

I felt the first mango and I thought it was ripe enough to eat. Well…after cutting it and attempting to peel back the skin, it wasn’t. I was super disappointed but had 1 more mango left.

So a couple of days later, I felt up the second mango and attempted to eat it. It was so hard y’all. I couldn’t believe I had done the same thing TWICE! And wasted two perfectly good mangos smh!

Later on that week, I bought another mango. I took my time selecting it and made sure it was close to being ready to eat. I even waited another day or two. Then, when I was ready to eat it, I checked it again and decided to give it another day.

Finally, it was ready to eat and it was DELICIOUS! I am SO glad I waited.

I know me. Sometimes I rush to get to the end. I want that mango, that job, that boo and I’ll try to make a determination before it’s time. Do you do this as well? Or are you waiting patiently for the right time and the right season?

I believe God takes us through waiting periods. He has to work somethings out in us. While it is annoying to have to wait and watch and wait, sometimes it’s just not the right time.

I threw away two perfectly good mangos because I didn’t want to wait. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and ended up having to start all over.

I could have had 3 mangos by now smh.

So I implore you to wait. Wait for the right time, wait for the right season, wait until you have all of the facts or as many as you can get. Wait until you’re sure. Don’t rush it but also don’t move too slow. If you rush it, it may not be ready, you may not have all of the facts and you may have to throw it away. If you wait too long the opportunity might pass you by.

We’re in the middle of wedding season and I know the tendency for some is to push something further than it needs to go to get to the desired end. Don’t be that girl or guy. Wait. Take your time and make the very best decision.

There is a time and a season for EVERYTHING. Wait for your time and your season.

Happy Waiting!

Still

Life has been pretty hectic lately. I recently started a new job, grad classes began, and the adjustment…has been an adjustment.

In an effort to maximize my time, I decided to begin working out again after work. I’m really good at piling it on. I could be extremely busy but because I’m passionate about something, I’ll add it on anyway instead of just saying no. I wouldn’t even think it through because for some reason I felt the need to make a quick decision rather than weighing the cost.

So one night, when I came home from a marathon of work and working out, I found a creature waiting for me on my front door. It was a praying mantis.

I screamed a little, and then I felt like 1,000 bugs were crawling all over my body. I know this is dramatic but that’s how I felt. I even added it to my story on IG and sent a picture to a friend.  A message I received on IG seemed prophetic. It seems the praying mantis is a symbol of meditation, patience, and stillness. As I did a little online digging over the next week or so and paid attention to what God had been urging me to do, I realized that this thing that showed up on my door didn’t seem to be there without reason. I believe it was God telling me to slow down, be still, and think things through. Not to make any decisions in haste but to stay the course until I’m sure.

About a month ago I began listening to an audiobook by Brené Brown. The title of the book is The Power of Vulnerability. It is a MUST read/listen. In chapter 44 she says “would you rather be certain and miserable or uncertain and wholehearted?”

I don’t know about you but I’ve rushed MANY decisions just try to get to the end. I am famous for saying “so what do you want to do?” hoping to get to an end. What God is teaching me, and what he may be teaching you, is to wait and to really take your time.

If you’ve ever been heartbroken, it can be difficult to let things play out but if there’s anything I’ve learned this year, it’s that sometimes God sends you the desires of your heart in a package you didn’t expect. To recognize it as being from God, you may have to wait. I almost ruined a great opportunity because I couldn’t see past my fears and wait it out.

So, don’t be like old me – quick to make a decision and miserable, ending something without thinking it through, withdrawing completely because withdrawing appears to be easier than dealing. Be like new me – let things play out and be true to yourself so when it’s time to make a decision, you’ll make the right one.

Happy Waiting!

 

If I Knew Better

Fall 2016, I watched a few Andy Stanley sermons that were streaming on Netflix. In one of the sermons he said, although you may know better, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll do better. You have to make an effort to change your ways.

When you’re waiting, you have to be intentional about setting boundaries. This can be uncomfortable if you haven’t set these kinds of boundaries before. When you set boundaries while you wait, you choose you and If you haven’t been choosing you, it will be difficult to begin to. 

Choosing you means not letting things go too far or not having someone over too late. It means waiting awhile. It means delayed gratification.

It means changing your mindset.

What does intimacy look like while you’re waiting? Are you prepared to remind her/him of your boundaries?

In some cases, couples don’t share hotel rooms. They may not kiss or touch very much or they may do all of the above and be fine. It comes down to knowing yourself and your partner.

Maybe you have self-control and can manage intimate moments or maybe you need the other person to have more self-control.

Whatever the case may be, you have to know you and know when to say good night or good-day. Waiting isn’t easy but it creates more opportunities to get to know someone outside of the physical.

So now that you know better, do better. 

Don’t let lust get in the way of finding out if you have something that will be long-lasting. Doing better will help you make better decisions. It will also keep you from going to far too fast and getting hurt. Trust me – setting boundaries has kept me from a world of hurt. 

It also helped me figure out who was really for me. You never know, setting boundaries and putting you first might lead you to the partner your heart desires.

There’s someone out there who knows your worth. You just have to know it first. 

Happy Waiting!

It’s My Blogaversary!

One year ago today I published my first blog post on this site!  I can’t believe it’s been a year! Thanks so much to everyone who has read, liked, and shared my posts/site.

Talking about this was really hard for me. I’m a pretty private person.  Prior to this blog, I could probably count on one hand the number of people who knew about my journey.

While some think it’s admirable, other’s don’t. There is definitely a stigma. I’ve had folks 50+ and folks under 50 try to talk me out of waiting. They said I would find someone I could share that part of me with and that I could have a totally fulfilling relationship that included that level of intimacy. What they didn’t seem to understand is that I tried that and was tired of trying it that way and getting the same results. I needed a change and this was my change. So I had to tune them out, redirect the conversation, and go on my way.

I don’t expect everyone to wait but it is an option. You might read this blog and decide to wait, or you might decide not to. You might wait for a time and eventually have sex or for some, you’ve already been waiting. Whatever you decide, it is your decision. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing what feels right for you. It took me a long time to shake off misconceptions about my wait and to keep the faith while waiting. I had to learn to wait unapologetically.

There will always be critics. There will always be someone who doesn’t understand your journey. Honestly, they are too close.  I have close friends who waited. Having them around makes it easier. If you have friends who aren’t supportive, they’re not your friends. Show them the door and do what God has told/is telling you to do.

Happy Waiting!

 

The List

For as long as I can remember people have been telling me to write a list of the characteristics I want in a mate.

They say…write it down, pray over it, and while you may not get everything you want, God can do it!

Well let me tell you….I have prayed over lists for YEARS. I have written and rewritten lists. I’ve made short lists and long lists. Superficial lists and super deep lists and I’m still super confused.

What if he has this and not that? What if he has that and not this? Which quality outranks another? Which one can I live without?

The truth is….I don’t know. I literally have no idea. So my new prayer is…Lord, I pray my desires line up with Your will.

This is the biggest decision you (and I) will ever have to make. This decision will affect your everyday life and generations to come. It’s so important that I know I can’t make it on my own. I need Jesus.

So Lord, if my desires are not in line with Your will, change them. If what I want is not what You have for me, then I don’t want it.

I know that releasing all of the control is difficult. I’m not telling you to throw your list away. I’m telling to to be flexible enough to recognize when God taps you on your shoulder and says, “hey, I have something better in mind.”

The entire point of this journey is be in the center of God’s will. And to get there, you (and I) are going to need Jesus to take the wheel.

Happy Waiting!