Life has been pretty hectic lately. I recently started a new job, grad classes began, and the adjustment…has been an adjustment.

In an effort to maximize my time, I decided to begin working out again after work. I’m really good at piling it on. I could be extremely busy but because I’m passionate about something, I’ll add it on anyway instead of just saying no. I wouldn’t even think it through because for some reason I felt the need to make a quick decision rather than weighing the cost.

So one night, when I came home from a marathon of work and working out, I found a creature waiting for me on my front door. It was a praying mantis.

I screamed a little, and then I felt like 1,000 bugs were crawling all over my body. I know this is dramatic but that’s how I felt. I even added it to my story on IG and sent a picture to a friend.  A message I received on IG seemed prophetic. It seems the praying mantis is a symbol of meditation, patience, and stillness. As I did a little online digging over the next week or so and paid attention to what God had been urging me to do, I realized that this thing that showed up on my door didn’t seem to be there without reason. I believe it was God telling me to slow down, be still, and think things through. Not to make any decisions in haste but to stay the course until I’m sure.

About a month ago I began listening to an audiobook by Brené Brown. The title of the book is The Power of Vulnerability. It is a MUST read/listen. In chapter 44 she says “would you rather be certain and miserable or uncertain and wholehearted?”

I don’t know about you but I’ve rushed MANY decisions just try to get to the end. I am famous for saying “so what do you want to do?” hoping to get to an end. What God is teaching me, and what he may be teaching you, is to wait and to really take your time.

If you’ve ever been heartbroken, it can be difficult to let things play out but if there’s anything I’ve learned this year, it’s that sometimes God sends you the desires of your heart in a package you didn’t expect. To recognize it as being from God, you may have to wait. I almost ruined a great opportunity because I couldn’t see past my fears and wait it out.

So, don’t be like old me – quick to make a decision and miserable, ending something without thinking it through, withdrawing completely because withdrawing appears to be easier than dealing. Be like new me – let things play out and be true to yourself so when it’s time to make a decision, you’ll make the right one.

Happy Waiting!


If I Knew Better

Fall 2016, I watched a few Andy Stanley sermons that were streaming on Netflix. In one of the sermons he said, although you may know better, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll do better. You have to make an effort to change your ways.

When you’re waiting, you have to be intentional about setting boundaries. This can be uncomfortable if you haven’t set these kinds of boundaries before. When you set boundaries while you wait, you choose you and If you haven’t been choosing you, it will be difficult to begin to. 

Choosing you means not letting things go too far or not having someone over too late. It means waiting awhile. It means delayed gratification.

It means changing your mindset.

What does intimacy look like while you’re waiting? Are you prepared to remind her/him of your boundaries?

In some cases, couples don’t share hotel rooms. They may not kiss or touch very much or they may do all of the above and be fine. It comes down to knowing yourself and your partner.

Maybe you have self-control and can manage intimate moments or maybe you need the other person to have more self-control.

Whatever the case may be, you have to know you and know when to say good night or good-day. Waiting isn’t easy but it creates more opportunities to get to know someone outside of the physical.

So now that you know better, do better. 

Don’t let lust get in the way of finding out if you have something that will be long-lasting. Doing better will help you make better decisions. It will also keep you from going to far too fast and getting hurt. Trust me – setting boundaries has kept me from a world of hurt. 

It also helped me figure out who was really for me. You never know, setting boundaries and putting you first might lead you to the partner your heart desires.

There’s someone out there who knows your worth. You just have to know it first. 

Happy Waiting!

It’s My Blogaversary!

One year ago today I published my first blog post on this site!  I can’t believe it’s been a year! Thanks so much to everyone who has read, liked, and shared my posts/site.

Talking about this was really hard for me. I’m a pretty private person.  Prior to this blog, I could probably count on one hand the number of people who knew about my journey.

While some think it’s admirable, other’s don’t. There is definitely a stigma. I’ve had folks 50+ and folks under 50 try to talk me out of waiting. They said I would find someone I could share that part of me with and that I could have a totally fulfilling relationship that included that level of intimacy. What they didn’t seem to understand is that I tried that and was tired of trying it that way and getting the same results. I needed a change and this was my change. So I had to tune them out, redirect the conversation, and go on my way.

I don’t expect everyone to wait but it is an option. You might read this blog and decide to wait, or you might decide not to. You might wait for a time and eventually have sex or for some, you’ve already been waiting. Whatever you decide, it is your decision. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing what feels right for you. It took me a long time to shake off misconceptions about my wait and to keep the faith while waiting. I had to learn to wait unapologetically.

There will always be critics. There will always be someone who doesn’t understand your journey. Honestly, they are too close.  I have close friends who waited. Having them around makes it easier. If you have friends who aren’t supportive, they’re not your friends. Show them the door and do what God has told/is telling you to do.

Happy Waiting!


Do it Alone

If you’ve been dating any length of time it can be difficult to transition from being in a relationship to being single again.

I remember knowing a relationship was coming to an end, and dreading the “get over it” process because for me, it lasted a long time.

After being with someone for a time, it can be difficult to go at life alone. You’re not getting sweet calls or texts throughout the day or looking forward to someone holding you at night. If you never develop the ability to be alone and content, your happiness will always be dependent upon someone else and you don’t that…well, I don’t want that.

There is strength in waiting. I know that doesn’t sound glamorous but learning how to do things on your own and enjoy your own company is something we should all strive for.

Some of us (I’ve definitely done this) will keep someone around who we know isn’t good for us.

He (or she) is convenient. They’re there when you want to go out, cuddle, have sex, go to the movies or just chill at the house. But you know he/she is not the one. You’ve always known. No news here.

So you buy time with this person. They may also be buying time with you but that’s another post for another day.

Have you heard the saying, “don’t waste your pretty?”, well don’t waste your time either. There may be some spiritual and emotional development God wants you to do and odds are, He wants you all to himself while He does a work in you.

I used to hate going places alone.  Now I go out to eat alone, the movies, I even go on trips…alone!  I got tired of wanting to go and do and not having someone to go and do with. Now, I do have friends, but spending time with a significant other is different.

I say all of this to say, go at it alone. You don’t have to have someone around for you to be ok. You can be happy all by yourself. If your happiness depends on someone else, you’ll never truly be happy.

You are responsible for your own happiness. Yes you, all by yourself. Take some time for yourself, get to know you again and don’t be afraid to do it alone.

Happy Waiting!

The List

For as long as I can remember people have been telling me to write a list of the characteristics I want in a mate.

They say…write it down, pray over it, and while you may not get everything you want, God can do it!

Well let me tell you….I have prayed over lists for YEARS. I have written and rewritten lists. I’ve made short lists and long lists. Superficial lists and super deep lists and I’m still super confused.

What if he has this and not that? What if he has that and not this? Which quality outranks another? Which one can I live without?

The truth is….I don’t know. I literally have no idea. So my new prayer is…Lord, I pray my desires line up with Your will.

This is the biggest decision you (and I) will ever have to make. This decision will affect your everyday life and generations to come. It’s so important that I know I can’t make it on my own. I need Jesus.

So Lord, if my desires are not in line with Your will, change them. If what I want is not what You have for me, then I don’t want it.

I know that releasing all of the control is difficult. I’m not telling you to throw your list away. I’m telling to to be flexible enough to recognize when God taps you on your shoulder and says, “hey, I have something better in mind.”

The entire point of this journey is be in the center of God’s will. And to get there, you (and I) are going to need Jesus to take the wheel.

Happy Waiting!


Today while rollerblading I said to God, “I don’t want to fall.” I started to take it back but I meant it, so I didn’t. 

Five minutes later I fell. 

It wasn’t a cute fall either. There were people around, both my knees, and hands hot the ground and I came away with some scrapes and bruises.

As soon as I fell I remembered what I tell my students everytime they fall during recess. I say, “you’re ok, get up.”

I tell them quickly so their minds don’t have enough time to process the fall. If they process it, and associate it with pain, they may never try again. I don’t want that for them and I certainly don’t want it for myself.

So I’m giving myself, and you, permission to fall. Falling requires courage, it requires faith. You have to be willing to take a risk. 

Is there someone who is interested in you and you’re not giving them the time of day? To be clear, I’m talking about a man or woman of good character who could be a potential life partner, not someone you know isn’t a good match. 

Go ‘head, give it a chance. You’ll never know unless you try. You could be missing out on the love of a lifetime….or not. But you’ll never know unless you give yourself permission to fall.

And if for some reason you fall, it doesn’t work out, and you get your heart broken, you’ll be ok. 

Remember the last breakup…not even the last, but the worst break up? Remember how you had no idea how you’d move on? You didn’t even know if you’d be able to get out of bed in the morning and make it through the workday without crumbling into a million pieces…..but you did! 

Falling isn’t the worst thing in the world. It means you’re trying and trying is everything! So try! And after you try, fall. And after you fall, if necessary, get back up again. 

Happy Waiting! 

You Got This

Today I went indoor rock climbing. I felt good walking into the gym, had the opportunity to look at the walls and holds, and decided I was going to have the victory!

The first time I went climbing I was with my mentee. She was around 15 or 16 years old and I thought this would be a great way for us to bond. Less than 30 seconds into my climb, I slid down the wall. I hadn’t even taken 3 steps and already felt defeated. What weighed me down most of all were my thoughts. How could I climb well if I didn’t believe I could?

The next couple of times I had more confidence. Sometimes I climbed to the middle or close to the top and sometimes I didn’t. But every time I climbed my confidence grew.

Today, when I climbed at a new gym, I felt victorious from the start. I looked at the wall and said to myself “you got this.”

With each step, as I rose higher and higher and wanted to quit, I said, “you got this.”

Then I took a deep breath, and said it again.

During the 2016 Olympics Laurie Hernandez became a star. At the time she was 16 or 17 competing on the world’s stage. She stepped onto the mat to start her routine and as I and the rest of the gymnastics-loving world watched, we saw her say to herself, “I got this.” Click here if you haven’t seen it.

I replayed it over and over again wondering how someone so young had so much confidence, and how she knew what she needed at the time when it mattered the most.

Life presents us with seemingly impossible situations. Sometimes you face the fear and conquer it and other times you give it your best effort and it doesn’t go your way. Through it all, it’s important to encourage yourself.

When I was a teenager I was a on a basketball team. I never made a shot during the game (or at practice smh) until I could envision myself doing so. Your thoughts and what you say to yourself are so important! Hold every thought captive!

Whatever the situation may be, as you wait to learn the outcome know that you got this! 

Maybe there’s something else you say to yourself. Maybe you say, “I am more than a conqueror” or maybe you say, “no weapon formed against me shall prosper.” Whatever it is, keep saying it.

If for some reason you’re not ready to say it to yourself, add me to the voices in your head. Go ahead, turn my volume up. Up some more. Up a little bit more.

Do you hear me? I’m right there with you cheering you on. And when you can’t say it for yourself, I’m whispering, ‘you got this.’

Happy Waiting!