Do it Alone

If you’ve been dating any length of time it can be difficult to transition from being in a relationship to being single again.

I remember knowing a relationship was coming to an end, and dreading the “get over it” process because for me, it lasted a long time.

After being with someone for a time, it can be difficult to go at life alone. You’re not getting sweet calls or texts throughout the day or looking forward to someone holding you at night. If you never develop the ability to be alone and content, your happiness will always be dependent upon someone else and you don’t that…well, I don’t want that.

There is strength in waiting. I know that doesn’t sound glamorous but learning how to do things on your own and enjoy your own company is something we should all strive for.

Some of us (I’ve definitely done this) will keep someone around who we know isn’t good for us.

He (or she) is convenient. They’re there when you want to go out, cuddle, have sex, go to the movies or just chill at the house. But you know he/she is not the one. You’ve always known. No news here.

So you buy time with this person. They may also be buying time with you but that’s another post for another day.

Have you heard the saying, “don’t waste your pretty?”, well don’t waste your time either. There may be some spiritual and emotional development God wants you to do and odds are, He wants you all to himself while He does a work in you.

I used to hate going places alone.  Now I go out to eat alone, the movies, I even go on trips…alone!  I got tired of wanting to go and do and not having someone to go and do with. Now, I do have friends, but spending time with a significant other is different.

I say all of this to say, go at it alone. You don’t have to have someone around for you to be ok. You can be happy all by yourself. If your happiness depends on someone else, you’ll never truly be happy.

You are responsible for your own happiness. Yes you, all by yourself. Take some time for yourself, get to know you again and don’t be afraid to do it alone.

Happy Waiting!

Who You Gonna Eat With?

Tonight while talking to my 3-year-old niece she asked, “who you gonna eat with?” I was a little taken aback so I asked her to repeat what she said.

Just as lively as ever she again said “WHO YOU GONNA EAT WITH!?!?”

You see, I was at home and attempting to get off of the phone to have dinner. She didn’t understand that I could be eating alone since she eats with at least 2 people every time she sits down for a meal.

I asked her if it was ok for me to eat alone and she said “No, you have to eat with someone.”

Can I be honest? I’ve been eating alone for a long time. I’m ready to eat with someone.

January and February were, in some ways, transformational for me. I realized I was filling my singleness void by adding extra responsibilities and opportunities. It was easier to digest a lack of dates if I was working towards a particular life goal – be it education, career, or other personal goals.

Ultimately, I wasn’t prioritizing it. I wasn’t prioritizing meeting someone. It seemed pointless. I can count the number of dates I have been on in the last several years and still have fingers left.  I was ok with keeping the same routine and seeing what happens but I realized the only way I can make something happen is to put myself out there.

So I started varying the places and events I go to. I started going to brunch on weekends alone – this was a tip given to me by an older woman. I started switching up my routine and in someways yeah, I met some guys. I didn’t meet THE guy but I met and was asked out by some. This didn’t amount to anything but I am giving it a shot.

I don’t want to eat alone and as my niece said, it’s “not ok to eat alone” (well… it is but you get my point). So she promised she would keep an eye out for someone I can eat with and while she’s on the look out, I’ll be putting my best foot forward. So the next time she asks WHO YOU GONNA EAT WITH? I can give her a name.

Happy Waiting!

 

Alone But Not Lonely (Most Of The Time)

Last week I had a range of emotions. I was starting to feel like I couldn’t catch a break.

Then, I learned that I did well on my yearly evaluation at work! I was so excited and thankful. That morning I knew something important was going to happen and that God was preparing me.  All of the songs I listened to that morning were about victory. The order of the songs was perfect. I left the house feeling strong!

After learning I did well, I decided I wanted to celebrate. This is always a tough one for me since more often than not, I celebrate in private. But this time, I wanted someone to be there to help me celebrate and there was no one.

Now  yeah, I could have called someone and tried to meet up to have a celebratory drink but sometimes you want to do those things with a significant other. I haven’t celebrated something with a boo since…….. I don’t even know.

While I know you have to play the cards you’re dealt,  and be thankful for what you have, it doesn’t take away the fact that celebrating with, spending time with, and being held by a significant other…… is nice.

One of my students asked me if it was ok to be and live alone and I told him it is possible to be alone but not lonely. But honestly, this single life can be quite lonely. What’s the solution? Fill it with friends and experiences. Usually when I feel this way, I haven’t properly planned outings with my friends. I’m setting up a few things now.

But most of the time I’m good. It is possible to be alone but not lonely.

Being lonely is not a death sentence, it won’t last always. It’s an opportunity to reflect and draw near to God because He’s always there. Maybe that’s the point. To direct your attention back to the One who will never leave you. While it’s difficult, there’s one thing I know for sure.  This feeling  shall pass.

Have a blessed week!