A Full Upgrade

So tomorrow is my birthday and I have lots of emotions. It’s the first time in a long time that things are working well and not working very well at all.

On Saturday, someone hit my (parked) car. I didn’t realize the extent of the damage until I tried to open the passenger door. Thank God I didn’t have someone else in the car.

There are a few things that are broken or need to be replaced around the house. While I am blessed to have a house, it feels like everything is falling apart.

Now, I can totally admit I’ve been emotional lately and am in desperate need of some fun times – but I can’t help but to remember that time I was sitting in my room, in my apt,tears rolling down my face  and with anger I said to God, “FINE! If you’re going to change things, I’m going to need a FULL upgrade!”

Since then, things have been changing. My old job became a new job. My old boss became a new boss. I bought a house, started grad school, and was recently promoted. Things fell apart to fall together. 

So today, while I am a bit uncomfortable, I am also hopeful because I know God can do the possible. 

I’m trusting God or a FULL upgrade. I hope you’re trusting Him too. 

Happy Waiting! 

A Time and a Season

Last week I bought 2 mangos. I LOVE mangos and I planned on eating them, at different times, for dessert. I guess fruit isn’t what most people would deem a dessert but it is for me.

I felt the first mango and I thought it was ripe enough to eat. Well…after cutting it and attempting to peel back the skin, it wasn’t. I was super disappointed but had 1 more mango left.

So a couple of days later, I felt up the second mango and attempted to eat it. It was so hard y’all. I couldn’t believe I had done the same thing TWICE! And wasted two perfectly good mangos smh!

Later on that week, I bought another mango. I took my time selecting it and made sure it was close to being ready to eat. I even waited another day or two. Then, when I was ready to eat it, I checked it again and decided to give it another day.

Finally, it was ready to eat and it was DELICIOUS! I am SO glad I waited.

I know me. Sometimes I rush to get to the end. I want that mango, that job, that boo and I’ll try to make a determination before it’s time. Do you do this as well? Or are you waiting patiently for the right time and the right season?

I believe God takes us through waiting periods. He has to work somethings out in us. While it is annoying to have to wait and watch and wait, sometimes it’s just not the right time.

I threw away two perfectly good mangos because I didn’t want to wait. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and ended up having to start all over.

I could have had 3 mangos by now smh.

So I implore you to wait. Wait for the right time, wait for the right season, wait until you have all of the facts or as many as you can get. Wait until you’re sure. Don’t rush it but also don’t move too slow. If you rush it, it may not be ready, you may not have all of the facts and you may have to throw it away. If you wait too long the opportunity might pass you by.

We’re in the middle of wedding season and I know the tendency for some is to push something further than it needs to go to get to the desired end. Don’t be that girl or guy. Wait. Take your time and make the very best decision.

There is a time and a season for EVERYTHING. Wait for your time and your season.

Happy Waiting!

Do it Alone

If you’ve been dating any length of time it can be difficult to transition from being in a relationship to being single again.

I remember knowing a relationship was coming to an end, and dreading the “get over it” process because for me, it lasted a long time.

After being with someone for a time, it can be difficult to go at life alone. You’re not getting sweet calls or texts throughout the day or looking forward to someone holding you at night. If you never develop the ability to be alone and content, your happiness will always be dependent upon someone else and you don’t that…well, I don’t want that.

There is strength in waiting. I know that doesn’t sound glamorous but learning how to do things on your own and enjoy your own company is something we should all strive for.

Some of us (I’ve definitely done this) will keep someone around who we know isn’t good for us.

He (or she) is convenient. They’re there when you want to go out, cuddle, have sex, go to the movies or just chill at the house. But you know he/she is not the one. You’ve always known. No news here.

So you buy time with this person. They may also be buying time with you but that’s another post for another day.

Have you heard the saying, “don’t waste your pretty?”, well don’t waste your time either. There may be some spiritual and emotional development God wants you to do and odds are, He wants you all to himself while He does a work in you.

I used to hate going places alone.  Now I go out to eat alone, the movies, I even go on trips…alone!  I got tired of wanting to go and do and not having someone to go and do with. Now, I do have friends, but spending time with a significant other is different.

I say all of this to say, go at it alone. You don’t have to have someone around for you to be ok. You can be happy all by yourself. If your happiness depends on someone else, you’ll never truly be happy.

You are responsible for your own happiness. Yes you, all by yourself. Take some time for yourself, get to know you again and don’t be afraid to do it alone.

Happy Waiting!

Valentine’s Day Victory

It’s the end of Valentine’s Day and it was better than I imagined!

At church on Sunday, the Pastor said a sex therapist would be talking about singles and sex on Tuesday (today). I was a little skeptical and planned on eating ice cream and reading into Valentine’s night but I decided to go. I’m so glad I did.

Here are some of takeaways…

Assistant Lead Pastor Larry Paige gave us these little bits of wisdom –

First, you must know your purpose. You have to know you well. Know what you will and won’t do and exactly what you’re looking for. I spoke about this in an earlier blog post. You can find it here.

He also said to be patient. You should spend more time preparing than dating. This was in response to a question about how long is too long to wait for a proposal. This spoke volumes to me since I haven’t been in a serious/committed relationship in 4+ years. I feel like I’m overdue but hey, I want to be ready when the time comes.

He also spoke about permission. While I don’t remember everything he said regarding this, the message was to investigate. Don’t fall for potential. Oftentimes potential is just that, potential. Trust me when I say I’ve dated potential and he never changes!

If you want to learn more about Larry Paige you can find his bio and information about the here. If you’re not in the area, there’s a live stream! Watch it from your living room. It was a great way to end Valentine’s Day.

Have a good night!

Alone But Not Lonely (Most Of The Time)

Last week I had a range of emotions. I was starting to feel like I couldn’t catch a break.

Then, I learned that I did well on my yearly evaluation at work! I was so excited and thankful. That morning I knew something important was going to happen and that God was preparing me.  All of the songs I listened to that morning were about victory. The order of the songs was perfect. I left the house feeling strong!

After learning I did well, I decided I wanted to celebrate. This is always a tough one for me since more often than not, I celebrate in private. But this time, I wanted someone to be there to help me celebrate and there was no one.

Now  yeah, I could have called someone and tried to meet up to have a celebratory drink but sometimes you want to do those things with a significant other. I haven’t celebrated something with a boo since…….. I don’t even know.

While I know you have to play the cards you’re dealt,  and be thankful for what you have, it doesn’t take away the fact that celebrating with, spending time with, and being held by a significant other…… is nice.

One of my students asked me if it was ok to be and live alone and I told him it is possible to be alone but not lonely. But honestly, this single life can be quite lonely. What’s the solution? Fill it with friends and experiences. Usually when I feel this way, I haven’t properly planned outings with my friends. I’m setting up a few things now.

But most of the time I’m good. It is possible to be alone but not lonely.

Being lonely is not a death sentence, it won’t last always. It’s an opportunity to reflect and draw near to God because He’s always there. Maybe that’s the point. To direct your attention back to the One who will never leave you. While it’s difficult, there’s one thing I know for sure.  This feeling  shall pass.

Have a blessed week!

The Road Less Traveled

Tonight I was reminded of part of the reason I decided to wait. While watching Love by the 10th Date, Kelly Rowland’s character said something I could relate to.

Whenever  I’m in a relationship that ends, it’s difficult for me to get back into the dating scene. I’ve never been the type of person to date someone and then immediately move on. There is always a period of time where I need space. It could be 3 months of space or a year of space but it takes me awhile to rebound especially if we had sex. Especially.

I no longer want to feel that kind of emotional tie. I spoke to an older woman recently and she said that if I find someone who is emotionally mature then sex doesn’t have to be out of the question. While I understand that, I can’t waste any time getting to know someone, only to take it to that level and find out later that it isn’t going to work out. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, burned it. Done.

I’m not into playing games with my emotions or my body. So I’ll wait. Waiting requires less stress, less heartache, and way more time to devote to myself. If the guy I meet doesn’t want to wait, he can kick rocks. The end.

Intuition FTW!

Tonight I’m listening to a sermon about doing what God has led you to do.  I’m actually listening to it now.  I was led to write about my waiting-singleness (years ago actually) and I’ve been slacking royally.   Priscilla Shirer is preaching and she is amazing! Once again, she has inspired me. So here it goes…

I’m still single. I probably sound bitter saying that but I’m ok. One thing I learned in 2016 is to listen to the God in me. My intuition always kicks in and somehow I manage to explain it away, or give it more time, or wait for something to change. All the while realizing my intuition is ALWAYS right.

You could be dating the most wonderful guy/girl in the world. He/She’s everything on your list and even some things you didn’t ask for. He/She’s also willing to wait but something isn’t right. Your intuition is knocking and no matter how long you wait or how much you try… something. isn’t. right.

Walk away.

Trust me. It’s better to be hurt now than hurt later. Someone greater is coming. Let this one go.

Happy Waiting!