It’s the end of Valentine’s Day and it was better than I imagined!
At church on Sunday, the Pastor said a sex therapist would be talking about singles and sex on Tuesday (today). I was a little skeptical and planned on eating ice cream and reading into Valentine’s night but I decided to go. I’m so glad I did.
Here are some of takeaways…
Assistant Lead Pastor Larry Paige gave us these little bits of wisdom –
First, you must know your purpose. You have to know you well. Know what you will and won’t do and exactly what you’re looking for. I spoke about this in an earlier blog post. You can find it here.
He also said to be patient. You should spend more time preparing than dating. This was in response to a question about how long is too long to wait for a proposal. This spoke volumes to me since I haven’t been in a serious/committed relationship in 4+ years. I feel like I’m overdue but hey, I want to be ready when the time comes.
He also spoke about permission. While I don’t remember everything he said regarding this, the message was to investigate. Don’t fall for potential. Oftentimes potential is just that, potential. Trust me when I say I’ve dated potential and he never changes!
If you want to learn more about Larry Paige you can find his bio and information about the here. If you’re not in the area, there’s a live stream! Watch it from your living room. It was a great way to end Valentine’s Day.
Have a good night!
Last week I had a range of emotions. I was starting to feel like I couldn’t catch a break.
Then, I learned that I did well on my yearly evaluation at work! I was so excited and thankful. That morning I knew something important was going to happen and that God was preparing me. All of the songs I listened to that morning were about victory. The order of the songs was perfect. I left the house feeling strong!
After learning I did well, I decided I wanted to celebrate. This is always a tough one for me since more often than not, I celebrate in private. But this time, I wanted someone to be there to help me celebrate and there was no one.
Now yeah, I could have called someone and tried to meet up to have a celebratory drink but sometimes you want to do those things with a significant other. I haven’t celebrated something with a boo since…….. I don’t even know.
While I know you have to play the cards you’re dealt, and be thankful for what you have, it doesn’t take away the fact that celebrating with, spending time with, and being held by a significant other…… is nice.
One of my students asked me if it was ok to be and live alone and I told him it is possible to be alone but not lonely. But honestly, this single life can be quite lonely. What’s the solution? Fill it with friends and experiences. Usually when I feel this way, I haven’t properly planned outings with my friends. I’m setting up a few things now.
But most of the time I’m good. It is possible to be alone but not lonely.
Being lonely is not a death sentence, it won’t last always. It’s an opportunity to reflect and draw near to God because He’s always there. Maybe that’s the point. To direct your attention back to the One who will never leave you. While it’s difficult, there’s one thing I know for sure. This feeling shall pass.
Have a blessed week!
Tonight I’m listening to a sermon about doing what God has led you to do. I’m actually listening to it now. I was led to write about my waiting-singleness (years ago actually) and I’ve been slacking royally. Priscilla Shirer is preaching and she is amazing! Once again, she has inspired me. So here it goes…
I’m still single. I probably sound bitter saying that but I’m ok. One thing I learned in 2016 is to listen to the God in me. My intuition always kicks in and somehow I manage to explain it away, or give it more time, or wait for something to change. All the while realizing my intuition is ALWAYS right.
You could be dating the most wonderful guy/girl in the world. He/She’s everything on your list and even some things you didn’t ask for. He/She’s also willing to wait but something isn’t right. Your intuition is knocking and no matter how long you wait or how much you try… something. isn’t. right.
Trust me. It’s better to be hurt now than hurt later. Someone greater is coming. Let this one go.
The other day I was sitting in traffic. I HATE traffic! All sorts of unladylike things come out of my mouth while I sit in or navigate through traffic. On this particular day, I was on my way to eat dinner with a friend so I was in a bit of a rush.
There was so much traffic, it seemed like I would never get there. Then I heard sirens coming from behind me. I watched as an ambulance was able to get through the most crowded and impossible traffic. What was once impossible became possible.
At that moment that I was reminded that God can push through ANYTHING. He can make a way through your past. He can make a way on the job, He can make a way through to your family and even in your relationships.
It could be the most stressful and undesirable situation and God will PUSH THROUGH! Consider this, although Jonah disobeyed God when God gave him clear instructions, God pushed him through…well He commanded the fish to vomit Jonah onto dry land (Jonah 2). Then something miraculous happened. Jonah got another chance to complete the assignment God gave him! Isn’t that incredible?!
I am so glad God continues to keep us even though we make mistakes. This abstinence/celibacy journey takes a lot of sacrifice and sometimes you may make mistakes. God is still there and God knows your heart. No one expects perfection, God already knows what you are going to do before you do it (Psalm 139). So, don’t get discouraged.
If He purposed you with it, He will push you through it.
In 2012 my life changed drastically. The guy I believed I was going to marry broke up with me and life as I knew it was over. Ok, it wasn’t really over but that’s how I felt.
During that relationship I took my first crack at waiting. I decided in 2009 that I wouldn’t have sex until I was married. Well….lawd have mercy I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be! Waiting with no prospects is easy, but attempting to wait, with a chocolate covered man, build like…ok too much…it’s just hard ya’ll.
And I failed.
Well, I didn’t fail but I didn’t do as well as I liked. Ok, I failed.
While we were able to wait most of the time, there were sometimes where we…well didn’t. I’m back on it and am proud to say that while I have been tempted, I have not indulged since 2012.
Since deciding to wait, I have learned a few things along the way. Here are some things you should consider if you are deciding to be, on the fence about, or determined to wait for sex until you are married.
- Why do you want to wait? Saving yourself until marriage sounds nice but if you don’t have a strong reason why, it will be even more difficult for you. My reasons are God and the future of my family. I want to set a good example for the daughter(s) I will have one day and I want to be able to tell them that their daddy waited on/with their mommy and that they can find a good mate who will wait for them too. While they (my future seeds) will decide for themselves I, at the very least, want to set the example for them. Also, God has purposed me with this. I want to make Him proud and honor Him with my body because this is indeed, a sacrifice.
- What are you willing or unwilling to do? Are you willing to end dates early if things get too up close and personal? Are you willing to do “other things” instead of intercourse? Are you only willing to go out in groups? I’m not down with the group thing but many people are. You have to decide what works for you. If you can’t do the “other things” without doing the main thing, then you can’t do the “other things”. It’s just that simple. Trust.
- Are you ready to wait? I have been blessed to meet guys who are actually willing to wait. Now, I have been waiting much longer and have had success with it and because of this, I have pretty good self control. It really is a mind-change if you’ve ever had sex before. It is HARD. Don’t underestimate it but do prepare yourself. You can arm yourself with the Word..or get with a group of friends who are waiting. I had friends who were waiting and now they are not because they are married. Do I sound bitter? lol. It’s hard y’all. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t.
- Get ready to see whoever you’re dating for who they actually are. It’s incredible how eliminating sex can remove the veil that we sometimes allow ourselves to wear while dating someone. The sex is good so you stay (been there), or you are so invested emotionally and physically that getting out of a bad relationship seems impossible (been there too). It’s much more work to date someone and wait. You really get to know the ins and outs of them and that can be scary but it can also be a beautiful thing.
- Also, find some good folks to follow. I LOVE Tamera Mowry-Housley ! In fact, she’s my favorite. I used to look to Heather Lindsey but her methods are too restrictive for me. They may work for you so check her out too.
Lastly, it’s a marathon (or can be) not a sprint so take your time with it. Listen to God, and He will bring you your heart’s desire.