I Already Have A Crown

I was having a conversation with someone recently and they said I was a queen and needed a crown. In true Tiffani fashion I said (because I do), “I already have a crown.”

You have to know who you are.

I learned this more than anything last year when my identity was challenged in all areas of my life – my views, my ways, who I was and where I came from. I remember people saying “no you’re not” after I had explained who I was.

It’s easy to believe what people say about you if don’t know who you are.

It’s also easy to get trapped in a bad situation when you haven’t fleshed out your values and don’t know your worth.

Don’t let someone else determine your worth. Know it for yourself. So if someone comes along and doesn’t know your worth, they stand out like a puff coat on hot day.

Knowledge of self is so important when determining who could be a potential life partner. While no one is perfect, there are people out there with good qualities who still aren’t a good fit. Knowing you means knowing what works for you and what doesn’t.

Stay strong during this love season. Don’t feel pressured to move in the wrong direction just to have someone on the day.

Choose you. Decide what want, become that, and hopefully it’ll come your way soon.

Until then….dust off your crown! Put it back on and don’t let anyone define you. You define you. Be your best self and watch God’s blessings overflow in your life!

Happy Waiting!

Cherished

A couple of years ago around this time I met a guy – a really nice guy. He was kind and caring, considerate and attentive – just an all around good person.

One day in particular, after we got off the phone, I rested in my thoughts for a minute thinking, ‘what is this feeling?’. After mulling over it for a few moments I realized what it was.

Cherish(ed) – verb

To protect and care for (someone) lovingly.

Synonyms: adore, hold dear, love, care very much for, feel great affection for, dote on, be devoted to, revere, esteem, admire, appreciate. – Dictionary.com

I felt cherished.

It was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a very long time. It was through dating him that I learned what it meant to be treated really…..really well.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’d dated other guys in the past who had a host of good qualities but this was the first time I was cared for in this way. He didn’t objectify me which was important especially since I was waiting. He listened and was patient with me. He truly cared for me and showed it through his words and his actions.

That standard of care changed the game for me.

Years ago a friend of mine was talking about her now husband. After dating him for a while and then getting engaged she said something like, “I can’t believe I let myself be treated so badly for so long”.

Oftentimes people treat you the way you allow them to, or people treat you the way you treat you.

With that said, if you don’t step your you game up no one else will.

Some years back I had to have a very necessary talk with a family member about what I would and would not allow. How I would and would not be spoken to. And while it took a lot of courage to have this conversation, I haven’t been treated that way by that person, since.

While talking to a friend recently she said, “there’s the gold standard of care – treat people how you want to be treated. And there’s the platinum standard of care – treat people how they want to be treated.”

Love languages fit here – And treating people how they want to be treated fits here because everyone experiences love in different ways. Share how you want to be loved and as long as it’s not hurtful, love others the way they want to be loved.

Everyone deserves to be cherished. You deserve to be cherished but you have to start with cherishing yourself first.

So get real with yourself. Do you want to be doted on or discarded? Loved or loathed? Criticized or cherished?

You get to decide.

And once you decide, make sure you treat yourself that way. It all starts with you.

Happy Waiting.

Lessons Learned in 2018

To close out 2018, I’m listing some of the things I learned this year. Here’s the short list!

1. Don’t Worry

The Word has a lot to say about this and for me, the last couple of months have involved a lot of uncertainty. From illness in my family, to house woes and such.. lots of time has been spent on worry and I’m done with that as of yesterday.

2. Guard Your Peace

The Word also says to guard your heart but I also learned to guard my peace this year. Phone calls, texts, emails, and conversations can turn a good day into a bad one. But whatever the case may be, we can’t hand over our power and faith so easily. Guard your peace and don’t give it up without a fight!

3. Trust Yourself

Many decisions were made this year and some of them were life-changing. Many of the decisions, when I trusted myself, got me past the finish line while others sent me on a detour. Weigh all of your options and trust yourself to make the very best decision. Listen to you first!

4. Ask Questions

The other day while making a tough decision and praying my way through I asked 100 questions. I even made the other person wait and while waiting may have caused her some discomfort, I couldn’t exchange her peace for my moms so, I asked ALL of my questions and in the end everyone was happy. Ask! What’s the worst that could happen?!

5. Live

I had the most fun this year! From meeting up with friends and traveling to being honest about how I feel and…all of this changed me! I also gave myself permission to cry – OMG I cried so much this year but giving myself permission to cry was one of the best things I did! I also left room for me to be me and stood firm in who I am. That was most powerful because no one could tell me who I was because….I already knew. This was a game changer! Get to know YOU! That way, no one can tell you who you are.

6. Be Vulnerable

This is a continuation of #5. I read a lot about vulnerability this year, practiced it and relationships have been made better for it. If you haven’t heard of Brené Brown get into her. She’ll help you see vulnerability in a brand new way.

7. Take A Risk

In July I bought a new journal. I’ve been writing in my journal almost everyday for the last 2 years. Starting last summer, I started every journal entry with what I was grateful for and still do. The words on the journal (in the picture) were a reminder to take a risk and that I did! I’ll write more about those risks here in 2019. In 2019, I’m encouraging you, with God’s guidance, to take a risk. You never know what’s on the other side.

All in all 2018 was a rollercoaster of a year. And I’d do it again if it meant I’d learn the lessons I learned this year.

Special thanks to everyone reading this post! It warms my heart that people are choosing to read my blog and are (hopefully) taking something away from what God has taught me. Let’s do more of this in 2019!

Happy Waiting! And Happy New Year!

Don’t Rush

While taking an Uber home from the airport over the summer, I was getting a little impatient. I had just gotten off of a 10 hour flight and was ready to eat and get in bed.

While riding in my Uber, I noticed the driver stayed in a lane where traffic wasn’t moving. I asked if he could get over into a lane that was moving. He did and eventually moved to the fast lane.

There were a few close calls. He had driven so close to the car in front of us I was sure we were going to crash.

Luckily, seeing that he was getting a little too close, he apologized, self corrected and kept a better distance.

Then, about 10 minutes later, while sitting in the back seat on the right side of the car, I looked up and saw a Penske truck attempting to merge (crash) into us.

With a median to the left of us, there was no where else to go and at that moment, the Penske truck side swiped us.

We got off of the highway and the drivers exchanged numbers. I called another Uber, it arrived and I got in. As I adjusted to my new ride, all I was thinking was, ‘wow, I was in a rush to get home and we could’ve died.’

One thing is for sure, as soon as I got in the 2nd Uber, I told the Uber driver to go slow. I was shaken up and didn’t need any more close calls.

Over the last 7 days God has been speaking to me about dating and relationships. He’s been reminding me through devotionals, sermons and people to go slow.

Today my pastor said sometimes those of us who are single, and have been for some time, rush to the next step in a relationship. As a 30-something year old, I get it. If you’ve been waiting years to find or meet the one it can be difficult to wait additional months or even years.

But, there is growth, revelation, and strength in waiting. God reveals things over time and getting to know your future spouse is very important.

So don’t rush. Take your time. God’s timing is perfect.

In the meantime, work on becoming what you want to attract. Redefine who you are and wait for God to bring you the man or woman of your dreams.

Happy Waiting.

Post Up

So….yesterday a 2nd grade student was in my office taking a break. She decided to stay in my office during recess so I wasn’t super concerned about what she was doing. At first, she was trying to make a paper airplane like the one in the book she was reading and then she was drawing pictures on post-it notes. I was working with a 5th grade group so my attention was a bit divided but I checked in on her every now and then. At one point she was picking things up on my desk and found the picture I submitted for college awareness month.

One of our co-workers decorated a bulletin board with our pictures and had returned them a few weeks ago. I figured her looking at the picture was a good thing so I kept on teaching.

This morning while sitting at my desk I looked up and saw this –

She found a pushpin and put the picture up on my board and I hadn’t even realized it until this morning.

In this super anxious world it’s possible to discount our accomplishments – to move on to the next thing as if what was accomplished wasn’t an accomplishment at all.

During this season of love and giving, please don’t forget to celebrate YOU! No matter how big or small the accomplishments are, they are YOURS – And while you may be waiting on other specific things to come into fruition, stop and smell the roses! There are MANY more accomplishments to come!

Happy Waiting!

Check On Your Strong (Single) Friend

Not long ago there was a Huffington Post article with the title Don’t Forget To Check On Your Strong Friend. After a series of events, this blog post was inspired by that article.

A few weeks ago I was having a really bad week. There were some things that were out of my control and everything was coming at me at the same time.

Within 48 hours of each other, two friends reached out. Both were folks I hadn’t talked to in a while and said I was either on their mind or showed up in a dream. One thing is for sure, that week, I really needed a friend and a reminder that God sees my hurt and will send people to check in on me.

There was a particular day that week that was really hard. I don’t usually let myself cry but in-between both conversations I cried. I mean it was an ugly mess up your makeup kind-of cry.

I’m really good at putting things up on the shelf and leaving them there until I’m ready to deal. But one day, sometimes years later, I’ll break down and cry.

I had a conversation with a friend about what it’s like to be single and not have someone lay eyes on you everyday. There have been times when I’m really going through it and I call 3 friends and no one answers. With no fault on their parts, everyone is busy, what happens when I really need someone and can’t find anyone to share with? People assume that when you’re single, you’re just out living your life when in reality, you could be at home in a puddle of tears.

This is why the title of this post is check on your strong (single) friend. We need to know there’s someone out there thinking about us, praying for us, and checking in on us. Lay eyes on us and make sure we’re ok. Even those of us who are “strong” get weak and could really use a friend.

Happy Waiting.

A Time and a Season

Last week I bought 2 mangos. I LOVE mangos and I planned on eating them, at different times, for dessert. I guess fruit isn’t what most people would deem a dessert but it is for me.

I felt the first mango and I thought it was ripe enough to eat. Well…after cutting it and attempting to peel back the skin, it wasn’t. I was super disappointed but had 1 more mango left.

So a couple of days later, I felt up the second mango and attempted to eat it. It was so hard y’all. I couldn’t believe I had done the same thing TWICE! And wasted two perfectly good mangos smh!

Later on that week, I bought another mango. I took my time selecting it and made sure it was close to being ready to eat. I even waited another day or two. Then, when I was ready to eat it, I checked it again and decided to give it another day.

Finally, it was ready to eat and it was DELICIOUS! I am SO glad I waited.

I know me. Sometimes I rush to get to the end. I want that mango, that job, that boo and I’ll rush to an end before it’s time. Do you do this as well? Or are you waiting patiently for the right time and the right season?

I believe God takes us through waiting periods. He has to work somethings out in us. While it is annoying to have to wait and watch and wait some more, sometimes it’s just not the right time.

I threw away two perfectly good mangos because I didn’t want to wait. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and ended up having to start all over.

I could have had 3 mangos by now smh.

So I implore you to wait. Wait for the right time, wait for the right season, wait until you have all of the facts or as many as you can get. Wait until you’re sure. Don’t rush it but also don’t move too slow. If you rush it, it may not be ready, you may not have all of the facts and you may have to throw it away. If you wait too long the opportunity might pass you by.

We’re in the middle of wedding season and I know the tendency for some is to push something further than it needs to go to get to the desired end. Don’t be that girl or guy. Wait. Take your time and make the very best decision.

There is a time and a season for EVERYTHING. Wait for your time and your season.

Happy Waiting!