Check On Your Strong (Single) Friend

Not long ago there was a Huffington Post article with the title Don’t Forget To Check On Your Strong Friend. After a series of events, this blog post was inspired by that article.

A few weeks ago I was having a really bad week. There were some things that were out of my control and everything was coming at me at the same time.

Within 48 hours of each other, two friends reached out. Both were folks I hadn’t talked to in a while and said I was either on their mind or showed up in a dream. One thing is for sure, that week, I really needed a friend and a reminder that God sees my hurt and will send people to check in on me.

There was a particular day that week that was really hard. I don’t usually let myself cry but in-between both conversations I cried. I mean it was an ugly mess up your makeup kind-of cry.

I’m really good at putting things up on the shelf and leaving them there until I’m ready to deal. But one day, sometimes years later, I’ll break down and cry.

I had a conversation with a friend about what it’s like to be single and not have someone lay eyes on you everyday. There have been times when I’m really going through it and I call 3 friends and no one answers. With no fault on their parts, everyone is busy, what happens when I really need someone and can’t find anyone to share with? People assume that when you’re single, you’re just out living your life when in reality, you could be at home in a puddle of tears.

This is why the title of this post is check on your strong (single) friend. We need to know there’s someone out there thinking about us, praying for us, and checking in on us. Lay eyes on us and make sure we’re ok. Even those of us who are “strong” get weak and could really use a friend.

Happy Waiting.

A Time and a Season

Last week I bought 2 mangos. I LOVE mangos and I planned on eating them, at different times, for dessert. I guess fruit isn’t what most people would deem a dessert but it is for me.

I felt the first mango and I thought it was ripe enough to eat. Well…after cutting it and attempting to peel back the skin, it wasn’t. I was super disappointed but had 1 more mango left.

So a couple of days later, I felt up the second mango and attempted to eat it. It was so hard y’all. I couldn’t believe I had done the same thing TWICE! And wasted two perfectly good mangos smh!

Later on that week, I bought another mango. I took my time selecting it and made sure it was close to being ready to eat. I even waited another day or two. Then, when I was ready to eat it, I checked it again and decided to give it another day.

Finally, it was ready to eat and it was DELICIOUS! I am SO glad I waited.

I know me. Sometimes I rush to get to the end. I want that mango, that job, that boo and I’ll try to make a determination before it’s time. Do you do this as well? Or are you waiting patiently for the right time and the right season?

I believe God takes us through waiting periods. He has to work somethings out in us. While it is annoying to have to wait and watch and wait, sometimes it’s just not the right time.

I threw away two perfectly good mangos because I didn’t want to wait. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and ended up having to start all over.

I could have had 3 mangos by now smh.

So I implore you to wait. Wait for the right time, wait for the right season, wait until you have all of the facts or as many as you can get. Wait until you’re sure. Don’t rush it but also don’t move too slow. If you rush it, it may not be ready, you may not have all of the facts and you may have to throw it away. If you wait too long the opportunity might pass you by.

We’re in the middle of wedding season and I know the tendency for some is to push something further than it needs to go to get to the desired end. Don’t be that girl or guy. Wait. Take your time and make the very best decision.

There is a time and a season for EVERYTHING. Wait for your time and your season.

Happy Waiting!

Who You Gonna Eat With?

Tonight while talking to my 3-year-old niece she asked, “who you gonna eat with?” I was a little taken aback so I asked her to repeat what she said.

Just as lively as ever she again said “WHO YOU GONNA EAT WITH!?!?”

You see, I was at home and attempting to get off of the phone to have dinner. She didn’t understand that I could be eating alone since she eats with at least 2 people every time she sits down for a meal.

I asked her if it was ok for me to eat alone and she said “No, you have to eat with someone.”

Can I be honest? I’ve been eating alone for a long time. I’m ready to eat with someone.

January and February were, in some ways, transformational for me. I realized I was filling my singleness void by adding extra responsibilities and opportunities. It was easier to digest a lack of dates if I was working towards a particular life goal – be it education, career, or other personal goals.

Ultimately, I wasn’t prioritizing it. I wasn’t prioritizing meeting someone. It seemed pointless. I can count the number of dates I have been on in the last several years and still have fingers left.  I was ok with keeping the same routine and seeing what happens but I realized the only way I can make something happen is to put myself out there.

So I started varying the places and events I go to. I started going to brunch on weekends alone – this was a tip given to me by an older woman. I started switching up my routine and in someways yeah, I met some guys. I didn’t meet THE guy but I met and was asked out by some. This didn’t amount to anything but I am giving it a shot.

I don’t want to eat alone and as my niece said, it’s “not ok to eat alone” (well… it is but you get my point). So she promised she would keep an eye out for someone I can eat with and while she’s on the look out, I’ll be putting my best foot forward. So the next time she asks WHO YOU GONNA EAT WITH? I can give her a name.

Happy Waiting!

 

When They Want You, They Want You!

A few days ago a friend called with the best news! She got the job of a lifetime with all the bells and whistles. I screamed when she told me. In part because it is a great opportunity but mostly because I sat on the sidelines and watched as she waited for her time to come month after month, year after year.

She waited but she wasn’t idle. She interviewed with different companies and continued to do her best where she was. She kept it moving and then her time came.

The company wanted her, and they acted like it. She let them know her expectations/requirements and they exceeded them.

This reminds me of the waiting we’re doing. Sometimes it’s hard to stay still and let God do the work. We want to jump in or jump ahead of Him and do things our way. But we tried our way…we’ve tried it for years and what did it get us? More heartache and pain.

While we were talking she said “when it’s right you’ll know and every thing will line up”.

Now, this sounded a bit fairytale-ish to me but when I look back, some of my greatest accomplishments required very little action on my part. God whispered, I listened (obeyed) and the rest was history!

So here’s what she did (from my perspective)…

  1. She cried
  2. She prayed
  3. She waited
  4. She cried some more
  5. She talked to friends and loved ones about it
  6. She waited
  7. She took a break
  8. She went on with her life
  9. She waited
  10. She pursued another position in her current organization
  11. She rocked the new role
  12.  and she waited
  13. The opportunity came, she was ready, and she got the job
  14. No more waiting!

Now, I know you’ve heard Ephesians 3:20 -Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.

And I know at times it sounds too good to be true but God did it! He did it for her, and he will do it for you and for me!

To say God did exceedingly, abundantly what she could ask or think is exactly right. He went above and beyond!

So what’s the lesson here? Wait.

And then wait some more.

Keep living your life, being the best you, and the absolute BEST is yet to come!

Happy waiting!

 

Valentine’s Day Victory

It’s the end of Valentine’s Day and it was better than I imagined!

At church on Sunday, the Pastor said a sex therapist would be talking about singles and sex on Tuesday (today). I was a little skeptical and planned on eating ice cream and reading into Valentine’s night but I decided to go. I’m so glad I did.

Here are some of takeaways…

Assistant Lead Pastor Larry Paige gave us these little bits of wisdom –

First, you must know your purpose. You have to know you well. Know what you will and won’t do and exactly what you’re looking for. I spoke about this in an earlier blog post. You can find it here.

He also said to be patient. You should spend more time preparing than dating. This was in response to a question about how long is too long to wait for a proposal. This spoke volumes to me since I haven’t been in a serious/committed relationship in 4+ years. I feel like I’m overdue but hey, I want to be ready when the time comes.

He also spoke about permission. While I don’t remember everything he said regarding this, the message was to investigate. Don’t fall for potential. Oftentimes potential is just that, potential. Trust me when I say I’ve dated potential and he never changes!

If you want to learn more about Larry Paige you can find his bio and information about the here. If you’re not in the area, there’s a live stream! Watch it from your living room. It was a great way to end Valentine’s Day.

Have a good night!

Alone But Not Lonely (Most Of The Time)

Last week I had a range of emotions. I was starting to feel like I couldn’t catch a break.

Then, I learned that I did well on my yearly evaluation at work! I was so excited and thankful. That morning I knew something important was going to happen and that God was preparing me.  All of the songs I listened to that morning were about victory. The order of the songs was perfect. I left the house feeling strong!

After learning I did well, I decided I wanted to celebrate. This is always a tough one for me since more often than not, I celebrate in private. But this time, I wanted someone to be there to help me celebrate and there was no one.

Now  yeah, I could have called someone and tried to meet up to have a celebratory drink but sometimes you want to do those things with a significant other. I haven’t celebrated something with a boo since…….. I don’t even know.

While I know you have to play the cards you’re dealt,  and be thankful for what you have, it doesn’t take away the fact that celebrating with, spending time with, and being held by a significant other…… is nice.

One of my students asked me if it was ok to be and live alone and I told him it is possible to be alone but not lonely. But honestly, this single life can be quite lonely. What’s the solution? Fill it with friends and experiences. Usually when I feel this way, I haven’t properly planned outings with my friends. I’m setting up a few things now.

But most of the time I’m good. It is possible to be alone but not lonely.

Being lonely is not a death sentence, it won’t last always. It’s an opportunity to reflect and draw near to God because He’s always there. Maybe that’s the point. To direct your attention back to the One who will never leave you. While it’s difficult, there’s one thing I know for sure.  This feeling  shall pass.

Have a blessed week!

Intuition FTW!

Tonight I’m listening to a sermon about doing what God has led you to do.  I’m actually listening to it now.  I was led to write about my waiting-singleness (years ago actually) and I’ve been slacking royally.   Priscilla Shirer is preaching and she is amazing! Once again, she has inspired me. So here it goes…

I’m still single. I probably sound bitter saying that but I’m ok. One thing I learned in 2016 is to listen to the God in me. My intuition always kicks in and somehow I manage to explain it away, or give it more time, or wait for something to change. All the while realizing my intuition is ALWAYS right.

You could be dating the most wonderful guy/girl in the world. He/She’s everything on your list and even some things you didn’t ask for. He/She’s also willing to wait but something isn’t right. Your intuition is knocking and no matter how long you wait or how much you try… something. isn’t. right.

Walk away.

Trust me. It’s better to be hurt now than hurt later. Someone greater is coming. Let this one go.

Happy Waiting!