Get Over It Gracefully

Are you going through a breakup? Do you feel like the end of the hurt and pain is nowhere in sight? In this blog I’ll give you some tips on how I got over one of the toughest breakups and came out better, stronger, and more confident than I’ve ever been. Over the years I’d…

The Difference Between Sex and True Intimacy

I used to think sex was the only way to intimacy. When I was having sex, the most enjoyable part was the physical contact I had with the other person. My skin on his, our bodies pressed together, and the vulnerability of it all. Now that I’ve been celibate for some time and have learned…

Accept The Blessing

I have a really hard time accepting help. For so long I’ve had to go at it alone and because of this, I’m used to doing things by myself. After years of operating this way and slowly transitioning into roles that require greater support, I found myself burnt out realizing I should have asked for…

Ring

Years ago after I’d gotten out of a relationship I decided to give my ex a different ring tone. It was different than all of the other calls coming though because I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss the call. I subconsciously waited for the phone to ring. It never did and I never…

Holiday Single

Yesterday I had conversations with two different people about what it’s like to be single during the holidays. Both discussions were centered around companionship or a lack-thereof. After spending many holidays single and even alone, I’ve managed to come up with some ways that have helped me get through and even enjoy the holidays. Here’s…

Nothing Is Wasted

For a long time I was bothered when close friends got married. It was a reminder that they’d progressed from the dating to married phase in life and that I was still single. I didn’t want to feel envious or even jealous as friends celebrated the happiest moments of their lives but I did. I’d…

The View from the Top

On a perfectly relaxing evening right before I was about to go out, it started raining. This wasn’t a sprinkle, it was a D O W N P O U R. Having weathered several storms, I was pretty confident this one was no different. I had some water proofing work done in my basement and…

Dating While Celibate

Dating while celibate is hard. When you meet someone special, there’s a point in time where you may want to take things to the next level. You might feel like after doing so (by doing so I mean having sex) you’ll know if that is or could be your person. The problem with this scenario…

Purpose + Partner

In books I’ve read in the past and especially in the one I’m reading now, I’ve realized your mate is your purpose partner. Whenever I meet someone I think about how the joining of our lives could impact the world. What could our joint purpose be? What can we do together? What world issues could…

Run Your Race

I ran my first 5K one month ago. I finished the race and realized it was something I enjoyed and wanted to do again. I was surprised how well I ran. I hadn’t prepared at all. I literally woke up and ran the race. It made me proud but it also made me think, how…

Somebody’s Sleeping In My Bed

I’m the only one who sleeps in my bed. While I’ve been in this house, (it’ll be 6 years in August) no one but me has slept in my bed. Now, I’ve slept in a bed with a man at some point since I’ve lived here but I’ve made a conscious effort/decision not to allow…

Forgive Me

Last week I was having a conversation with a woman at my job. She said she’d done some things she wasn’t proud of and she believed everything happening in her life right now was payback for those missteps. She thought she was doomed to have a bad life because of the choices she made and…

God’s Trying To Tell You Something

I bought my car in 2006. In 2007, I got into an accident. It was totally my fault. I’ve never shared this but I was distraught over a messy brake-up (getting out of bed was an accomplishment back then) and I ended up misjudging the amount of room I had when tying to merge. Up…

Shifting My Focus

When thinking about different career opportunities I always go back to this – I want to get married. Now, you can have/do both but I know me. I’ll get so focused on a particular goal that I’ll spend all of my time doing that one thing, which leaves little to no time for dating. I…

For Men, Mostly

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of good feedback from men who read my blog. When I first started writing this blog my target audience was women but as it has evolved, I’ve included posts geared towards any and everyone interested in celibacy. If you are a man and you’re interested in being celibate or…

“They Decided They’d Wait For Me.”

Constance Wu said the statement above while being interviewed at the Academy Awards. Wu was already acting in a TV series when she was offered the lead role in Crazy Rich Asians. There were some scheduling conflicts and it seemed like she was going to have to pass on the opportunity but – they waited…

Thank God For The Rain

While talking to my aunt recently she said, “you won’t know until it rains.” We weren’t having a relationship-related conversation but that statement hit me in a supernatural way. Think about the last time you realized someone was a good friend. Now, think about other significant relationships. When did you know it was real? Whether…

The Talk

I went on a date with a gentleman the other day. Prior to meeting up, I had been thinking about how I would let him know I’m celibate before things went too far. Well…the opportunity came faster than I thought it would. The conversation went something like this… He asked a series of questions about…

I Already Have A Crown

I was having a conversation with someone recently and they said I was a queen and needed a crown. In true Tiffani fashion I said (because I do), “I already have a crown.” You have to know who you are. I learned this more than anything last year when my identity was challenged in all…

Cherished

A couple of years ago around this time I met a guy – a really nice guy. He was kind and caring, considerate and attentive – just an all around good person. One day in particular, after we got off the phone, I rested in my thoughts for a minute thinking, ‘what is this feeling?’….

Lessons Learned in 2018

To close out 2018, I’m listing some of the things I learned this year. Here’s the short list! 1. Don’t Worry The Word has a lot to say about this and for me, the last couple of months have involved a lot of uncertainty. From illness in my family, to house woes and such.. lots…

Don’t Rush

While taking an Uber home from the airport over the summer, I was getting a little impatient. I had just gotten off of a 10 hour flight and was ready to eat and get in bed. While riding in my Uber, I noticed the driver stayed in a lane where traffic wasn’t moving. I asked…

Post Up

So….yesterday a 2nd grade student was in my office taking a break. She decided to stay in my office during recess so I wasn’t super concerned about what she was doing. At first, she was trying to make a paper airplane like the one in the book she was reading and then she was drawing…

Check On Your Strong (Single) Friend

Not long ago there was a Huffington Post article with the title Don’t Forget To Check On Your Strong Friend. After a series of events, this blog post was inspired by that article. A few weeks ago I was having a really bad week. There were some things that were out of my control and…

A Time and a Season

Last week I bought 2 mangos. I LOVE mangos and I planned on eating them, at different times, for dessert. I guess fruit isn’t what most people would deem a dessert but it is for me. I felt the first mango and I thought it was ripe enough to eat. Well…after cutting it and attempting…

Who You Gonna Eat With?

Tonight while talking to my 3-year-old niece she asked, “who you gonna eat with?” I was a little taken aback so I asked her to repeat what she said. Just as lively as ever she again said “WHO YOU GONNA EAT WITH!?!?” You see, I was at home and attempting to get off of the phone…

When They Want You, They Want You!

A few days ago a friend called with the best news! She got the job of a lifetime with all the bells and whistles. I screamed when she told me. In part because it is a great opportunity but mostly because I sat on the sidelines and watched as she waited for her time to come…

Valentine’s Day Victory

It’s the end of Valentine’s Day and it was better than I imagined! At church on Sunday, the Pastor said a sex therapist would be talking about singles and sex on Tuesday (today). I was a little skeptical and planned on eating ice cream and reading into Valentine’s night but I decided to go. I’m…

Alone But Not Lonely (Most Of The Time)

Last week I had a range of emotions. I was starting to feel like I couldn’t catch a break. Then, I learned that I did well on my yearly evaluation at work! I was so excited and thankful. That morning I knew something important was going to happen and that God was preparing me.  All…

The Shunammite Woman

While at church on Sunday the guest pastor (Keith Battle) told us to turn to 2 Kings 4. In this chapter, there is a story about a Shunammite woman who prepared a room for Elisha in her home. He wanted to repay her, so he asked her what she wanted and she said she didn’t…

Pushing Through…

The other day I was sitting in traffic. I HATE traffic! All sorts of unladylike things come out of my mouth while I sit in or navigate through traffic.  On this particular day, I was on my way to eat dinner with a friend so I was in a bit of a rush. There was so…

They That Wait!

In 2012 my life changed drastically. The guy I believed I was going to marry broke up with me and life as I knew it was over. Ok, it wasn’t really over but that’s how I felt. During that relationship I took my first crack at waiting.  I decided in 2009 that I wouldn’t have…